did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize