I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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