I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
