the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
