"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
