I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
