my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
