walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
