were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
honey bunches of taint.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
