yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just cropdusted the office
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
