He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
