You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
