The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
