I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
