Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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