who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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