i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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