I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm having to shit out rocks
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
