i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
