The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
