i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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