it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
