Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
