member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
