Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
