So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
