I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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