No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
