Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
