I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
