i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
