the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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