we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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