I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
