He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
