at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
