We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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