you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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