she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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