so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i think i just lost a toe
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
