i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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