What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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