What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
