The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
