based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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