dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
