Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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