tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
