her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
