shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
