Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
