So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
