I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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