You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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