I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
