I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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