I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
