god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
