So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize