just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
