Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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