dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
