Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
