At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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