Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
