he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
