But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
