i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
