so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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