She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
