Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
