I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
