i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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