I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
