You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
