whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
