I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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