Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
