Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
