porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize