well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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