He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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