You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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