Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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