There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
