She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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