i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
