You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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