I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
