I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
