So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
