I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
