brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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