wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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