PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
