piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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