how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
