good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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